When Uncle Mex first mooted this joint blog we agreed that it should not just be three grumpy old men but provide guidence in the form of reviews too...
So...
Dr Who - The Eyeless
OMFG!
How formulaic a book could you write?
If the answer is "Fucking Very!" then congrats! Job done!
Dr arrives, meets enemy, runs, meets friends, tries to complete mission, endangers friends, says "I don't kill", kills dozens of enemies, saves friends and converts an enemy...
Absolutely no characterisation of Tennants Dr and no reason to give a toss about any one else.
Unlike;
The Deaths Head trilogy by David Gunn
What a name! So manly! I mean 'David!' wow!
These books are the first in ten years that have had me racing through them in days if not hours, eager to wallow in the guts and blown off limbs hell I even read the pish book above to provide a sorbet to the third book.
I can't waste the plot as there isn't really much of one (hypocritical I know) but it is so action packed and well
written that you read most it and only then sit back and unleash a well satisfied "aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!"
I've just started book 3 so it should all become clear why Sven is so special and I can't wait!
So some books to enjoy and one to avoid, more reviews soon.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh, My !
Friday, October 30, 2009
When hell is full, the stupid shall walk the earth!
What is the point of some people? Should the UK introduce a caste system based on IQ?
Hell yeah!
1-60 = Salt Mines
61-100 = Shelf Stacker
100-123 = Whatever you have made of yourself - well done!
124(+-5 depending on alcohol) = Poker Player
125-140 - Uncle Mex and cronies
140+ = The People who should be in control
For too long greedy men have ruled this world as stumbling demented child-kings long enough! And as this empire crumbles, my precious upper caste shall rise as they're most fitting successor!
Honestly who would you prefer an unctuous politician who has wormed his way into power with the usual trail of sexual scandals and financial misdoings waiting to be revealed or people who have a FUCKING CLUE PEOPLE!
Power corrupts? No it only enables. You were corrupt to begin with.
T' Polis
******* ********* *** *** ***** ******!
Actually no. More power to the Police.
How many times can the Police arrest someone and then arrest them again weeks later as the £? fine hasn't stopped the thief or druggie or Jakie who will happily steal to pay for their fine and next fix.
Remedy? Well funny you should ask..and indeed .
Kick the utter shit out of them.
Fines don't work, Jail doesn't work but I bet you that they would think twice if they have had a severe kicking.
"Haw Shifty" (his brain would scream to itself) "mind last time you nicked those Fusion blades? You couldn't piss without blood coming out...hmm? Maybe you should consider shelf stacking?"
Hopefully after the third time they wouldn't be able to think any more and off to the salt mines they go.
Failing all this the 6x6ft Iso Cube of Judge Dredd is my second option.
Leave you with some happy thoughts;
Hell yeah!
1-60 = Salt Mines
61-100 = Shelf Stacker
100-123 = Whatever you have made of yourself - well done!
124(+-5 depending on alcohol) = Poker Player
125-140 - Uncle Mex and cronies
140+ = The People who should be in control
For too long greedy men have ruled this world as stumbling demented child-kings long enough! And as this empire crumbles, my precious upper caste shall rise as they're most fitting successor!
Honestly who would you prefer an unctuous politician who has wormed his way into power with the usual trail of sexual scandals and financial misdoings waiting to be revealed or people who have a FUCKING CLUE PEOPLE!
Power corrupts? No it only enables. You were corrupt to begin with.
T' Polis
******* ********* *** *** ***** ******!
Actually no. More power to the Police.
How many times can the Police arrest someone and then arrest them again weeks later as the £? fine hasn't stopped the thief or druggie or Jakie who will happily steal to pay for their fine and next fix.
Remedy? Well funny you should ask..and indeed .
Kick the utter shit out of them.
Fines don't work, Jail doesn't work but I bet you that they would think twice if they have had a severe kicking.
"Haw Shifty" (his brain would scream to itself) "mind last time you nicked those Fusion blades? You couldn't piss without blood coming out...hmm? Maybe you should consider shelf stacking?"
Hopefully after the third time they wouldn't be able to think any more and off to the salt mines they go.
Failing all this the 6x6ft Iso Cube of Judge Dredd is my second option.
Leave you with some happy thoughts;
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
What's shakin', Bub? (or is it Bob ???)
At 100,000 years, we're not just here for the nasty things in life. Like patronizing the mentally challenged, insulting the world's young folk, slagging off those seal clubbin' Norwegians or even showing gratuitous pictures of good ole Captain Amerikkka "wank"ing...
Oh, no, we can do "nice" as well as anyone. I think. Hmm, I don't know, a gaggle of young Korean lassies singing the theme to "Bubble Bobble" ? Does that count as "nice" ???
Saturday, October 17, 2009
How sweet to be an idiot.
Growing up I'm sure that you too had an idiot in your gang or group of friends,(quite hard for me as my friends were all in the chess club with me :) ) but weren't they the happiest of the group?
Ignorance it seems is bliss, intelligent people have so much to worry about simply because they are so aware of things around them, idiots blunder through life and somehow have a shield that protects them from the horrors of modern life. A drunk jacket for the low IQ.
Ignorance of the other kind - not considering other people is one of the few things that will get my dander up such as the moron this morning...
I live in a tower and the description of vertical street is apt as someone who didn't even live here sat in his scrappage candidate crapsmobile blasting out his tunes. Seven flights up it irritated the hell out of me, grudd help those lower down.
What surprised me was the fact his music was very loud....UB40?!? I thought all UB40 fans had died out as there were no breeding stock after '89?
It's like a gag from a rocket scientist...female rocket scientists are rare and hunted to near extinction.
Seriously considering jamming a crayon up my nose like Homer to drop out of having to be a considerate human being. well as much as I can call myself such.
Ignorance it seems is bliss, intelligent people have so much to worry about simply because they are so aware of things around them, idiots blunder through life and somehow have a shield that protects them from the horrors of modern life. A drunk jacket for the low IQ.
Ignorance of the other kind - not considering other people is one of the few things that will get my dander up such as the moron this morning...
I live in a tower and the description of vertical street is apt as someone who didn't even live here sat in his scrappage candidate crapsmobile blasting out his tunes. Seven flights up it irritated the hell out of me, grudd help those lower down.
What surprised me was the fact his music was very loud....UB40?!? I thought all UB40 fans had died out as there were no breeding stock after '89?
It's like a gag from a rocket scientist...female rocket scientists are rare and hunted to near extinction.
Seriously considering jamming a crayon up my nose like Homer to drop out of having to be a considerate human being. well as much as I can call myself such.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Limited Sympathy
No it's not the band name of one of Uncle Mex's Dutch Electro-pop outfits nor one of those emo pish groups so frequently featured on Kerrang!...I sat with it on all day and the ratio was - Pish 98% Adverts for pish 2%. My brother Danny would turn in his grave... if he were dead.
No the title refers to my recent bugbear, Advertising. Hammond has just been on tv advertising Morrisons butcher counter - The soundbite towards the end says they'll help you find the right cut...oh for the want of a consonant.
After his accident he was the public darling but now I reckon that the Hierarchy of Top Gear is (and remember all those muppets clamouring for Clarkson to be London Mayor) is May, Clarkson and a distant 3rd place for the Hamster.
May, whose rightful catchphrase is "as you'd expect I'd done this properly" is a man who knows the value of a Shed, all great inventions came from men in sheds and he has a deep respect for history and engineering - truely a man's man.
Also on the no sympathy front are the bimbo supreme (Joint winners again this year) Price and Katona. Have it all then manage to turn public opinion against yourself.
I have to give some sympathy to my neighbour, 2 mins before the end of the Celtic - Hearts game and I turn the radio off once again disappointed by yet another lacklustre performance only to be startled by animalistic screaming - I kid you not we are talking primal rage bellowing to an uncaring sky.
Yeah he's a Rangers fan. I take little joy from the 2-1 result as I worry about the fact I have such a fuckwit living near to me and mine.
So there are some ill formed thoughts from me, Rick? your turn!
No the title refers to my recent bugbear, Advertising. Hammond has just been on tv advertising Morrisons butcher counter - The soundbite towards the end says they'll help you find the right cut...oh for the want of a consonant.
After his accident he was the public darling but now I reckon that the Hierarchy of Top Gear is (and remember all those muppets clamouring for Clarkson to be London Mayor) is May, Clarkson and a distant 3rd place for the Hamster.
May, whose rightful catchphrase is "as you'd expect I'd done this properly" is a man who knows the value of a Shed, all great inventions came from men in sheds and he has a deep respect for history and engineering - truely a man's man.
Also on the no sympathy front are the bimbo supreme (Joint winners again this year) Price and Katona. Have it all then manage to turn public opinion against yourself.
I have to give some sympathy to my neighbour, 2 mins before the end of the Celtic - Hearts game and I turn the radio off once again disappointed by yet another lacklustre performance only to be startled by animalistic screaming - I kid you not we are talking primal rage bellowing to an uncaring sky.
Yeah he's a Rangers fan. I take little joy from the 2-1 result as I worry about the fact I have such a fuckwit living near to me and mine.
So there are some ill formed thoughts from me, Rick? your turn!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I'm (not) worth a million in prizes...
Brrr, it's awfy cold in here. Jeepers, posts on this blog are as rare as Accies home wins versus Hibs. Oh, guess that's my cue, then...
Watched the Mercury Music Prize coverage on Beeb Two last week. Not a great selection this year, it has to be said. Or any other bloody year for that matter. Still, I do like that La Roux elpee - it has taken a bit of a caning for being a putative reprise of yon early eighties synthtastic business such as Yazoo and the Human League but it sounds to the big man here much more like the classic burbly, bleepy, beauty of Yamaha AY-8192 8-bit chip music goodness as made by the sainted Follin, Whittaker and Jochen Hippo Hippel...
Anyways, I digress. I hate the fucking Mercury Music Prize. What offends me here about that, the Oscars, the Emmys, the Grammys and any other cringe-making, toe-curling luvvie jolly up is the notion of snooty wanker powered, panel-based prize giving in general. I don't mean the kind of thing for sportsmen, or folk who have earned a direct reward for some quantifiable achievement like winning a grand prix or the British Open or the friggin' Derby or summat. No, what I mean is the back-slapping horseshit served up by judging panels of industry "experts" who get to tell us what we should think about who was the best director, what was the best movie, what was the best album and who has the nicest tits. (shurely shome mishtake - ed)
Who the fuck are these people ? And what gives them the brass balls to think that they have any more insight into the picking of random winners in arbitrary categories than the great unwashed who actually buy (erm...) all the shit ? It wouldn't be quite as bad if the winning selection was based on straight, unbiased opinion. The reality is that practically every award in popular culture is pre-filtered through an ugly stew of favouritism, trend pandering, and a billion sundry hidden agendas...
The choice of Mercury winner this year was emblematic, a heady cocktail of insipid, coffee table hip-hop destined to soundtrack a million white, thirty-something, middle class lives for one year only until consigned to the landfill with all the previous year's detritus. Nae harm to the lassie herself, mind, it's not her fault, it's the corporate suits deciding that it's her turn to get the golden finger (erm...) while the rest get the shaft. Bah, ball-less, soulless, suckers of Satan's cock each and every last fucking one of them.
Anyhoo, here's some "nice" music that won't be winning any Mercury Music prize this or any other year. Yes, I know it sounds like a scalded cat lurching violently across a hideously scratched BBC Radiophonic Workshop elpee, but I like that kind of thing, alright ?
Saturday, September 5, 2009
They'll be crying on the streets of Skopje tonight...
Just a short one ahead of Schottland's game versus Macedonia this afternoon. The news that the blessed Faddy is in the starting line-up has given me a wee lift, as has the fact that the weather in Glesga is reassuringly piss-awful. Yup, dull, dour, dreich, and generally very Scottish, here's hoping it'll give the dark-blue warriors a wee bit more of a home advantage as we slalom our way to a glorious victory and are finally rampant on the road to Soot Effrikkka. I fucking wish. At least G. Caldwell isnae playing so we aren't already looking at clawing back from being an own goal down and could well finish with all eleven men on the park...
Anyhoo, I fancy it to be either 1-0 or 2-1 to the bravehearts, no gubbing on the horizon. Though, one way or t'other, I, personally, will be getting absolutely hammered...
Update : At the age of 33, Alexander of Macedonia cried salt tears because his team had just been reamed by the Scots. James McFadden is only 26...
Update II : At the age of *mumble mumble*, Mexy of Massivedongia cried salt tears because his team had just been pumped by the crazschy Dutsch. Uncle Mex is only 26 (okay, okay, give or take a feckin' decade, cheeky bastiches)...
(with due respect to the original from Lord Sidney of Waddell)
Friday, August 28, 2009
Karma is a bitch.
God knows what I did wrong...honestly lol
Walking home from a donner up the street and see this old fella with a concerned looking lady behind his mobility scooty thing, she manages to flag me down and ask if I can help push the old guy up a small slope as his battery has died and he's stuck, she's no relation to him she was just helping out too.
So *bump* and up the slope we get and I ask if he has far to go.....mistake lol.
"oh no" spake he so down goes the hero of our tale, heaving, shoving, straining and eventually heaving for air.
Is the brake on or something? "Oh no" spake he once more....more shoving...."It's just that the wheels at the back here are sticking...."
....pause for gulps of breath..."Is the brake this yellow lever at the back? the one next to a padlock symbol whilst above it is an unlocked padlock?"
"I don't know" spake he for the third time...I flick the switch and though it was hardy free-wheeling it does make the job a bit easier...old daftie had his brakes on and drove around for 20mins before the battery gave up.
So 10 mins later we get him to the back of his house and as he gratefully shakes ladies hand they look round and seeing me missing ask "Who was that gasping man"...I hadn't left, I'd just needed a lie down in the long grass...
Only thing is on the way home I got a face full of grit and couldn't see through my right eye for 2 hours...fml! (not really lol)
What really annoyed as I'm sure you know by now is we passed at least 6 young healthy strong neds who only added a sneer to our plight. When I was younger I can remember carrying strangers bags, happy to do so.
So after all that I realise that at my age I need to do more that just try to eat healthily I need to do some exercise so that's the plan and may Grudd have mercy on my soul.
It's just came on TV as I type and it's that FUCKER singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" on the T-mobile advert - he is the most tuneless fuck ever and I will kill him if we should meet. (By kill I of course mean frown at as I am British)
More ads that make me sigh/chuckle/angry?
Car ads where they show the top of the range car and the small print on screen for 2 nanoseconds "Price quoted is for basic car" i.e. you'll be lucky to get wheels for that price.
Toothpaste ads that claim to give "a dentist clean (and here's the word that lets them get away with it) FEELING" small print says.."Does not give professional results"
All advertising is bull, no advert beyond ones basically advertising the fact that the product exists has ever affected my buying choice but there is one advert that will tickle me till the day I die...
Trumpets!
Walking home from a donner up the street and see this old fella with a concerned looking lady behind his mobility scooty thing, she manages to flag me down and ask if I can help push the old guy up a small slope as his battery has died and he's stuck, she's no relation to him she was just helping out too.
So *bump* and up the slope we get and I ask if he has far to go.....mistake lol.
"oh no" spake he so down goes the hero of our tale, heaving, shoving, straining and eventually heaving for air.
Is the brake on or something? "Oh no" spake he once more....more shoving...."It's just that the wheels at the back here are sticking...."
....pause for gulps of breath..."Is the brake this yellow lever at the back? the one next to a padlock symbol whilst above it is an unlocked padlock?"
"I don't know" spake he for the third time...I flick the switch and though it was hardy free-wheeling it does make the job a bit easier...old daftie had his brakes on and drove around for 20mins before the battery gave up.
So 10 mins later we get him to the back of his house and as he gratefully shakes ladies hand they look round and seeing me missing ask "Who was that gasping man"...I hadn't left, I'd just needed a lie down in the long grass...
Only thing is on the way home I got a face full of grit and couldn't see through my right eye for 2 hours...fml! (not really lol)
What really annoyed as I'm sure you know by now is we passed at least 6 young healthy strong neds who only added a sneer to our plight. When I was younger I can remember carrying strangers bags, happy to do so.
So after all that I realise that at my age I need to do more that just try to eat healthily I need to do some exercise so that's the plan and may Grudd have mercy on my soul.
It's just came on TV as I type and it's that FUCKER singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" on the T-mobile advert - he is the most tuneless fuck ever and I will kill him if we should meet. (By kill I of course mean frown at as I am British)
More ads that make me sigh/chuckle/angry?
Car ads where they show the top of the range car and the small print on screen for 2 nanoseconds "Price quoted is for basic car" i.e. you'll be lucky to get wheels for that price.
Toothpaste ads that claim to give "a dentist clean (and here's the word that lets them get away with it) FEELING" small print says.."Does not give professional results"
All advertising is bull, no advert beyond ones basically advertising the fact that the product exists has ever affected my buying choice but there is one advert that will tickle me till the day I die...
Trumpets!
Friday, August 21, 2009
A whiff of burning ManUre...
After the sterling efforts of the two other old bastids in spewing out venom, venting spleen and moaning like a pair of old skool right-wing bawbags, I'm putting in advanced notice of an imminent upcoming shoeing of my own in here that will soon be administered by the big yin. I've got so many targets in my sights that I'm spoiled for choice. I've already got form for booting the erse of cyclopaths (literally), lung clearing ignoramuses and mentally defective cinema patrons so it'll have to be some other bunch of pricks that I'll have to kick off against...
In the meantime, in the wake of some absolutely appalling football results over the past week or so, I'm going to settle for giving a little clogging to the self-styled biggest football club in the world [blech!], Man fucking Yoooo. Okay, okay, I'll put my hand up right now and admit to some sympathies with the original red wearing team from that part of the world, (indeed, you might call them my wee struggling English yin to my hugely successful, globe straddling Scottish yang - or, it that wang???). That might discolour my perspective somewhat... but is there any fucker in the sports media with the cojones to point out any of the following simple, pertinent facts ??? As Rafa himself might put it :
FACT : They have sold two of their three best players (including arguably, the best player in the world, even though he is a cunt)...
FACT : They have replaced them with two random young French boys who we will never see again (wither David Bellion, anyone?), some anonymous bloke from Wigan and a turncoat little shit who is always injured and hasn't scored in the prem since January...
FACT : They took in eighty million quid and the above four mousekateers are all that they could fucking stump up for because they are in so much fucking debt... and yet it is Liverpool who are supposed to be under financial pressure at the start of the season ?
I'm sorry, you can fuck right off for starters after that lot. The bold Uncle Mex's prediction ? They are winning fuck all this year, take that to the bank. Do a double on the blessed Phil winning the World Championship yet again and earn yourself some spondooliks.
Made with the help of -
Crippled Black Phoenix "200 Tons of Bad Luck" - The first track on the album is called "Burnt Reynolds". Marvellous effort, I take my hat off, young sirs !
Crippled Black Phoenix "200 Tons of Bad Luck" - The first track on the album is called "Burnt Reynolds". Marvellous effort, I take my hat off, young sirs !
Monday, August 17, 2009
Oh FFS! Warning this rant may contain ads...and the word BASTARD.
The new Tarantino movie looks a jovial jaunt - plan to see it, if not in the cinema then through the medium of Russian piracy...
But for the love of Grud! It's just been advertised on...well Dave - the only channel worth watching on Freeview and even though the ad contained lots of lovely blood sprays and other violence it was called "Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious"
Weellllllll Excuse Me! (c) S Martin But I can pass by billboards 20ft high where it has it's official title "Inglorious BASTERDS"
Was I offended? Did I drop my shopping? Faint? No...Chuckle...Yes, Feck it's not even a real word - yet the tv thinks I'd be offended. The word is Bastard.
Self censorship is the way to go...I've been using it for years and I haven't been offended unless I've accidentaly flicked to BB or anything "Celebrity" - then I'm made livid.
"Flicked" is another example - Printed media banned the word Flick for years as in some fonts the l and the i combine to make a u...I have to admit as a child I would laugh as I saw it in the Daily Rangers tv section..."Flicks" with the sainted Neil Buchanan.
Example #3 Those make-up ads - for mascara...Show models with long luxurious lovely lashes...look towards the bottom of the screen and read the small print..."Model has lash inserts and post production has been applied" - This means your use of said product will in no way match what you have been shown.
Advertising has always been lies but in this day and age they are made to show what lies they are telling and I laugh my arse off with each new ad.
This rant can be sent to your phone for $500*
*The rant you may or may not receive, may not be this specific rant which may also contain materials unsuitable for anyone but may or may not entertain as much as promised or hoped for.
But for the love of Grud! It's just been advertised on...well Dave - the only channel worth watching on Freeview and even though the ad contained lots of lovely blood sprays and other violence it was called "Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious"
Weellllllll Excuse Me! (c) S Martin But I can pass by billboards 20ft high where it has it's official title "Inglorious BASTERDS"
Was I offended? Did I drop my shopping? Faint? No...Chuckle...Yes, Feck it's not even a real word - yet the tv thinks I'd be offended. The word is Bastard.
Self censorship is the way to go...I've been using it for years and I haven't been offended unless I've accidentaly flicked to BB or anything "Celebrity" - then I'm made livid.
"Flicked" is another example - Printed media banned the word Flick for years as in some fonts the l and the i combine to make a u...I have to admit as a child I would laugh as I saw it in the Daily Rangers tv section..."Flicks" with the sainted Neil Buchanan.
Example #3 Those make-up ads - for mascara...Show models with long luxurious lovely lashes...look towards the bottom of the screen and read the small print..."Model has lash inserts and post production has been applied" - This means your use of said product will in no way match what you have been shown.
Advertising has always been lies but in this day and age they are made to show what lies they are telling and I laugh my arse off with each new ad.
This rant can be sent to your phone for $500*
*The rant you may or may not receive, may not be this specific rant which may also contain materials unsuitable for anyone but may or may not entertain as much as promised or hoped for.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Våre gutter tok ettall helvete av en banking! *
So, anyone know how the second half went ? Did the blessed Fads come on and score a second half treble to put us on easy street ? I don't know the full story myself as I was busy cleaning up the remains of the dinner plate I threw at the wall when Pud's** toe bash free kick deflected off Broony and we went 1-0 down. Spent the rest of the evening watching "The Wire"... a wise, wise choice, I feel... :-(
Oh, well, at least we weren't the only useless tossers from these islands to get stuffed by the seal clubbers...
* "Our boys took one hell of a beating", in pidgin Norwegian. Elk hunting bastids.
** Okay, okay, some bloke named John Arne Riise, not Pud. Separated at birth if you ask me, tho'...
The old bastid's turn...
Ok where to begin? So much to rant about, so little time!
I guess the best place to start would be by commenting on what section of society annoys me the most...neds.
In many ways this is related to my young friend's experiences with the great unwashed (aka proto-neds) during his time at school. However my time at school wasn't really all that bad, I was never bullied (apart from one run-in with a member of the homo-erectus family known as "Reidy"). I believe ned culture has expanded exponentially since then and I do worry for the minority of youngsters who do want to learn and indeed better themselves nowadays.
My experiences of ned-ism are much more recent, like the time I lived in Fintrie Terrace when I would have gladly joined the local neighbourhood watch group if it meant being allowed to man a machine gun tower located outside my block. I'd have volunteered for all sorts of overtime and weekends!!
But why is society becoming like this? Three main reasons in my opinion. The decline in family values, the rise of political correctness and the expansion of the welfare state. I've travelled quite extensively in southern europe (Portugal, Spain, southern France and Greece) where families are still strongly bonded and the only troublemakers are dressed in rangers/england football tops. You may not believe me but there are no Greek neds!!
Well political correctness and the welfare state are topics on their own which I plan to speak about in their own right (unless my young friends wish to comment on first).
Basically it comes down to this: Parents, sort your f*cking kids out!! Discipline them! Don't kick them out of the house as soon as you wake up from last night's buckie binge and allow them to prowl the streets till dark o' clock like something out of 28 days later!
If they don't then, then I'm sorry to say, the parent gets a visit to a judge for a suitable* punishment.
Anyway, that's enough ranting for one post.
Adio my good friends.
*suitable = maximum possible
I guess the best place to start would be by commenting on what section of society annoys me the most...neds.
In many ways this is related to my young friend's experiences with the great unwashed (aka proto-neds) during his time at school. However my time at school wasn't really all that bad, I was never bullied (apart from one run-in with a member of the homo-erectus family known as "Reidy"). I believe ned culture has expanded exponentially since then and I do worry for the minority of youngsters who do want to learn and indeed better themselves nowadays.
My experiences of ned-ism are much more recent, like the time I lived in Fintrie Terrace when I would have gladly joined the local neighbourhood watch group if it meant being allowed to man a machine gun tower located outside my block. I'd have volunteered for all sorts of overtime and weekends!!
But why is society becoming like this? Three main reasons in my opinion. The decline in family values, the rise of political correctness and the expansion of the welfare state. I've travelled quite extensively in southern europe (Portugal, Spain, southern France and Greece) where families are still strongly bonded and the only troublemakers are dressed in rangers/england football tops. You may not believe me but there are no Greek neds!!
Well political correctness and the welfare state are topics on their own which I plan to speak about in their own right (unless my young friends wish to comment on first).
Basically it comes down to this: Parents, sort your f*cking kids out!! Discipline them! Don't kick them out of the house as soon as you wake up from last night's buckie binge and allow them to prowl the streets till dark o' clock like something out of 28 days later!
If they don't then, then I'm sorry to say, the parent gets a visit to a judge for a suitable* punishment.
Anyway, that's enough ranting for one post.
Adio my good friends.
*suitable = maximum possible
Monday, August 10, 2009
Little Dwayne and Brittany
In Scotchland we are one week away from the little dears going back to school and in general the adult populace will breathe a huge sigh of relief. I'm glad but realise that schooldays are not the best days of your life.
I have two nephews (actually many more but these two I like) and in the next few years as they are clever and not aggresive monsters they will probably be bullied by the slope brow brigade. Now it will be no surprise that yeah I was bullied but looking back If I had half a backbone or a clue back then it would have happened once and once only.
I have two nephews (actually many more but these two I like) and in the next few years as they are clever and not aggresive monsters they will probably be bullied by the slope brow brigade. Now it will be no surprise that yeah I was bullied but looking back If I had half a backbone or a clue back then it would have happened once and once only.
Uncle Mex has oft told the tale of the compass...and I couldn't repeat
it lol
My nephews will be fine. I know this as they may be the two sharpest people on the planet.
The biggest bullies back then were the teachers, with all the connotations of "The Wall" they seemed to inflict pain where they could and I know why they did.
Fear - I have taught and Jeez it was scary - sacks of uncontrolled hormones vying with each other to be alpha male and some plonker is asking them to do things they aren't capable of?
it lol
My nephews will be fine. I know this as they may be the two sharpest people on the planet.
The biggest bullies back then were the teachers, with all the connotations of "The Wall" they seemed to inflict pain where they could and I know why they did.
Fear - I have taught and Jeez it was scary - sacks of uncontrolled hormones vying with each other to be alpha male and some plonker is asking them to do things they aren't capable of?
Danger! Taking one of the shaved monkey-kin out into the hall to explain that I knew he didn't want to be there (It was a class composed of scum the brew had told had to do something or they'd get no cash) but some of the people in the class might get in to "real" college if they could get through without disturbance. (they couldn't)
As the little fucker sneered and told me he couldn't give a toss I being a sane man withheld the urge to throttle the punk (just) but i also realised that if he wanted to attack me he had a horde of scum backing him up - I had no other teacher or adult within 50 yards... the thin red line?
The powers that be... as so truthfully portrayed in the recent Torchwood might just have had a point... Aliens appear, demand 10% of our kids... well you would give away the aggressive fuckwit 10% hell I think we could manage 40% easily and by give away I don't mean give away....cull.
oh ok to the salt mines!
And homework ffs! If you can't teach what you need to within school hours then you are a apish teacher - let the kids have the 2 or 3 hours they get each night during the week to themselves.
That ok for a first post Birthday Boy?
As the little fucker sneered and told me he couldn't give a toss I being a sane man withheld the urge to throttle the punk (just) but i also realised that if he wanted to attack me he had a horde of scum backing him up - I had no other teacher or adult within 50 yards... the thin red line?
The powers that be... as so truthfully portrayed in the recent Torchwood might just have had a point... Aliens appear, demand 10% of our kids... well you would give away the aggressive fuckwit 10% hell I think we could manage 40% easily and by give away I don't mean give away....cull.
oh ok to the salt mines!
And homework ffs! If you can't teach what you need to within school hours then you are a apish teacher - let the kids have the 2 or 3 hours they get each night during the week to themselves.
That ok for a first post Birthday Boy?
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Greeting, Pop Pickers !
Allo, matey peeps, and a warm welcome to 100,000 years, the culmination of what happens when three gnarly old gits from Hillhoose decide that what can be done badly through three, separately appalling blogs might just as well be done even more shoddily via the collaborative vehicle of one huge steaming pile of blogtastic jobby... and here we are !!!
Alright, that's the pleasantries over with. Let the bile commence! Good ole Cap'n Amerikkka here shows just how we deal with troublemakers around here, let that be a warning to ya all, y'hear ???
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